The last few months have not been what I ever expected my life to go through at this time, or any other time, to be perfectly honest. I thought I was going one way, and then life took some turns onto some dark streets with very little, or no lighting to show me the way.
At the end of June I had two losses in my life that hurt me to the core. And upon the return visit to Cincinnati, after saying goodbye to my Grandpa, I met many new people, and one of them led me to meeting other people whom I thought were going to be great catalysts to getting my dreams for my businesses on their feet. However things did not turn out to go in the direction I had thought, and was lead to believe, they would go in.
When my roommate lost his job, I didn’t know how we were going to pay rent, and took a web development free-lance job, where-in the owners wanted to pay me under the table, however I still reported the meager $86 they gave me, because I felt it was the right thing to do. I did so much work for them, and after getting sick with an unknown bacterial infection at the beginning of September, I continued to put forth an effort to help them, however they did not appreciate what I had done for them and they decided that the work I did was not what they expected, and fired me, refusing to pay me for the remainder of the work, and leaving themselves with an unfinished website.
I had sent multiple emails explaining everything that I built for them, and the many ways that it would benefit them. I even did some free market research for them when I got sick because I felt bad, they said they didn’t care. I still wanted to help them and I tried to educate them that building a fully functional social media integrated Worpress site, with all the social media profiles that I created for them, takes time, and that there is no way to copy an html website onto the WordPress platform, however they came back with expectations that I should have been able to built it in 4 days like their last web developer (who simply copied an existing html site onto a new host). We discussed my disabilities before I took the job, they knew I was Bipolar, and had back problems, that I was only able to work a couple hours a day, and that it would take me about a month to get things set up (so long as nothing got in the way).
When they continuously refused to pay what they owed, after firing me, I called the police and asked them what to do, I followed their advice and then received an underhanded threat to my life and property from Robert Phillips in an email. When I called Legal Aide, they agreed that I had been threatened. I reported that to the police as well, but became increasingly more and more afraid and full of anxiety after being told multiple times that the owners of Hawksworth Manor; Robert Phillips, and Max Levin, were mob affiliated, knew hit men, and to be careful. I was told this by the person who introduced me to them to get the web development job. People kept saying not to worry, nothing would happen, however every time I went outside I had a massive panic attack, and couldn’t stop vomiting, to the point that I lost too much weight, too fast. I deteriorated fast and had trouble taking care of myself, or thinking straight about anything.
I couldn’t understand how two people who hired me for my expertise, training, knowledge, and skills building WordPress sites, Social Media Platforms, and connecting them all together, would want to treat me so horribly. Especially since I agreed to work for hardly anything in the first place. It hurt me to my core that people could be so tyrannical, and attempt to thieve all my hard work from me. I just wouldn’t let them walk all over me like that and I took a drastic stance when I stood up for myself, and I felt like, not only was I standing up for myself, but that I was standing up for every other person in my position, who didn’t have the strength to stand up for themselves. I felt that I was the 99% against the 1%.
Why would two people who have money, businesses, and everything they need, want to take advantage of a girl who is Disabled, lives on Social Security Disability, and Food Stamps? Why would people who call themselves my friends take their side and tell me to give it all up and let them have what I built? Why wouldn’t my own mother stand by me, and believe in me?
Because of fear. Because they worry. Because they think they are protecting me by telling me to back down and not take a stand, and I just couldn’t take that as an acceptable way to live any more. I’ve lived that life before, been used, abused, and stolen from time and time again, and it makes me sick that people continue to allow this behavior to happen to them and to others. IT’S NOT OKAY! It makes me sick that people wouldn’t stand by my side, people who said they loved me, people who “cared” about me. What is wrong with society that it’s “Okay” to let people walk all over us? It just makes me sick; Seriously, physically, mentally, and emotionally ill to my core.
I have been called in my life to help others, I have done so to my own detriment time and time again, because that is what we underhandedly teach in our society; don’t fight it, give up, just let it continue to happen. It’s easier to just let it go, its easier to just give up than to take a stand, and I took a stand for myself, and I saw people’s true colors; it polarizes people when you take a stand – they are either for you or against you. I see no reason to let people walk all over me any more, I see no reason to allow people to hurt me, take advantage of me, or to steal from me, because they think its “Okay” or “Acceptable behavior” or that no one will see how bad they really are to other people.
I felt that the people who sided with them, telling me not to worry about it were on their side, and I got the flack from both friends and family to the point I blocked people out of my life because they wouldn’t stand up for me, and left me hanging in the dust of a situation I didn’t know what to do in. When all I wanted and needed was their support, for them to believe in me, and to stand up for me when I needed them to. I felt lost and alone.
I strive for excellence in everything I do, I strive to help people, I strive to know as much as possible so that I can be an informed citizen, and when I educate people on things they either refuse to believe me, thinking that what I am telling them is a lie or not true, simply because they have not done the research for themselves, or didn’t see it on the local news, or in some tv show – and that is just the most ignorant audacities that I see our entire world society falling into. It’s a fucking trap, a marketing scheme, and a huge cover up, so that the people in power can keep their “power” and not have to answer to the rest of the people they are continuing to hurt by allowing themselves to reap all the “benefits” they think they so richly deserve because they know how to manipulate people, how to take advantage of people, and how to use and abuse to the point that they can no longer see how their actions affect the rest of the world; or they are simply ignoring it because they only care about money, and getting more and more for themselves, and leaving everyone else in the dust.
I say FUCK THAT SHIT! I wont put up with it any more. I care so little for that type of behavior and that type of person that I want the 1% to fall on their asses so they can see how the REAL WORLD is being affected by their horribleness. And the horribleness is everywhere, and all I see is people allowing themselves to continuously be used as doormats for someone else. I wish my desires for people to see the Real World would come to pass faster then they are, but there is so much corruption, and its literally everywhere, sneaky, thieving, abusing, using, taking advantage of others, lying to ourselves and others just to “keep the peace” – that’s not keeping any “peace” its simply allowing bad people to continuously do bad things to other people.
Even in my lowest days, I have found ways to somehow help someone else who is worse off then me, even if its with a talk about resources that will help them. I see people continuously calling out for help, and then ignoring the help they are given, taking the “doormat” mentality to their grave thinking no one will ever help them out of their bad situation. We need to start teaching people how to stand up for themselves and teach them that they are not “doormats” and that if they really wanted the help they keep calling for, they have to go get it. There is only so much good people can do to help those who won’t help themselves out of a bad situation. I want to help people, but I’ve realized that there is so much disconnect in our world, in our society, that I can’t help people unless they want to help themselves.
I have realized that I have to help myself first, as well, before I can help other people. So towards the end of September I did what I thought would protect me and my property, and to help me out of this horrible situation. I’m still fighting in this battle, and I still strive to help others when I am in a better position. This whole ordeal triggered a severe mania in me as well, I was having difficultly sleeping, eating, keeping food down, taking care of myself, and I couldn’t help feeling like these people did this to me on purpose – like they wanted to fuck with my life because they could. That is unacceptable to treat other people like this, and I, for one, won’t take it any more.
There is a reason all this happened, I needed to take this stand for myself, I needed to believe in myself, against all odds, against people who wouldn’t stand by me, against abusers, users, and thieves. I’m not sorry that it happened, even though it has completely turned my whole life up-side-down, backwards, and all around a crazy psycho roller coaster kind of way, because I Stood Up for Myself, I Took A Stand, and I am Proud of Myself for being able to do that. My talents are Amazing, my Skills are Wide, I am Knowledgeable, and I continue to Learn Every Step of the way. I am Thankful there ARE People who took my side, who Believe in me, Who Love ME, JUST THE WAY I AM! I am Proud those people are my friends, I am PROUD that I stood up for myself, I am PROUD of the work that I did, even if it wasn’t appreciated, even if they tried to steal from me, and even though they hurt me. I forgive them, and I know the Universe has better things in store for my life then being taken advantage of, stolen from, abused, or used.
I am the 99% against the 1%, and I Believe that they will see the truth for themselves in time. The Universe is calling for Truth Tellers, and Healers, for people to Believe in Themselves, and to Stand Up For Themselves, and Others too. I am called to Help, to Heal, and to be Brave, for myself, and for Others like me. I take a Stand.
Even though I don’t know where my life is going now, and even though I don’t know what’s going to happen next, I Believe that God wouldn’t leave me hanging, I Believe in Miracles, I Believe Life Can Be Better For ALL OF US, If We Stand Together, Believe In Each Other, and Help When We Are Called To Help – Whether its helping ourselves out of a bad situation, helping ourselves to knowledge and learning, helping others how ever we are able, even if its only with a simple Smile as you pass a stranger, or getting some resources to someone who doesn’t know how to help themselves yet. I Believe We Are Able To Do Whatever God Calls us to do, and that we will be supported in that calling. I Believe In Me, and I Believe In You!
Much Love from Emily Rose