I write every night (or I try to write every night!) before bed, and nothing is censured, whatever thoughts I’m having at the time, I get them out of my head and put them onto paper. Here is an excerpt I wanted to share from my writing last night, with minimal editing because my thoughts don’t always come out in a blog-worthy way ;)
Another Essex Show is right around the corner. I remember the anxiety of my 1st couple shows – I had no idea what I was getting myself into! But this time I am simply happy that I get to be there & show my work. I’ve never expected anyone to buy anything, I figured it was better that I not be disappointed in the end if they don’t (and there is, of course, the added bonus of the pure delight when someone does like or love my work enough to want to own it! It makes me “Squueeeee!” inside and out). I am so honored when people want to own my creations, it truly humbles my heart and soul.
I feel so blessed to be where I am – thru all the shit & w/ all the up’s and down’s, the trials and learning experiences – I’m thankful, grateful, stronger, wiser, healthier, happier. Of course, I still have my 24/7 chronic pain issues, but there are moments that I am able to forget about it and just bask in the glow of everything that is going on that is preparing the way for my future. I feel supported, people offering to help me, brand new friends who WANT to support me when I am in need; I’m honestly not used to this kind of treatment.
Experiences from my past have taught me that people cannot be trusted, that they will only try to use, abuse, and take advantage; but I don’t want those kinds of people in my life! not any more. I’ve spent the last 5 years crawling through, and out of, that dense blackness, that horrible void. I never want to invite negative, horrible, people into my life ever again. Because now I can see the difference! I can see the proverbial light :)
Every Present Moment
I am thankful for my new friends! I now have friends that I can call on when I need help, and they actually want to, and come to, help me! Its an amazing feeling to be so supported in my life right now, when things are all over the place and I have no idea what will happen, I know that there is a friend out there who I can talk to to help me get through this tough time. Thankful, blessed, grateful; these are good words, but there are no words I can think of in the English language to express my gratitude and love for my friends.
I am going to keep on walking around these scary and exciting “corners” of my life, and I know that you’ve got my back. I love you guys! and gals! <3