Death Can Be Confusing
My Grandma passed away, and at first I didn’t know what to feel, I was in shock, I was at an Art Show when I found out, and I felt bad about living my life instead of mourning her death right away. But then I found out, when I went to her funeral, that she wanted us to celebrate her life instead of mourn her death, and that turned things around for me.
This Last Week Has Been So Crazy
Over the weekend I went to Illinois for my Grandma’s Funeral. We celebrated her life by having a lovely memorial in her church, which is really a beautiful place. There was a lovely and very family involved burial, we each got to put some dirt over her vault (I think that’s what it was called), and we all put down roses and it was just really beautiful. I didn’t know this but she used to use a CB radio with her husband, and her call name was Cactus Rose, and my step-dad said, “that is why we’re all putting down roses for her.” Later that evening we visited one of her favorite places, a Reindeer Ranch, and I got some pretty awesome photos of the reindeer. One, in fact, is so inspiring they are going to sell it as a postcard in their gift shop!
But the view was simply amazing, there was a crescent moon and wonderful sunset at the same time. I had to take a panorama to get it all, but it was simply the perfect way to remember to celebrate life.
Even tho the drive really did a number on my back/body, and I’ve been needing a lot more pain meds then usual (which make me sleepy), I am so glad I was able to go and celebrate with my family. It was so wonderful to see family, to spend time with my parents and cousin. Since I live in Cincy, there isn’t anyone family-wise to spend holiday’s with. I’m not a huge celebrator of the holiday’s anyway, but I do love to spend time with loved ones when I have the chance.
It Changes Your Perspective
There is something about loosing a loved one that changes something in you. I know for me when I first heard that my Grandma was on her death bed I just wanted to go and give her a hug before she went. Then a few days later I got the text while I was going to explore the art community for the first time since I moved to Cincy, that she was gone. I was in shock most of the evening, I knew it wouldn’t help to go home and cry, so I put my best foot forward and enjoyed the experience of being around artists and looking at wonderful pieces of art that inspired me.
Towards the end of the evening one of the artists suggested I buy something from her for my mom or my grandma, and that just hit me like a ton of bricks. To have to say that my grandma just passed away, tears rolled out of my eyes. And after that I was totally spent. Both for good and for sadness.
It was amazing to know that my Grandma wanted us to celebrate her life, it was like the perfect moment that let me know that, yes I know she lived a good life and she wants her children and grand children and their children to live good and prosperous lives too. I knew then that she was proud of me for putting myself out there, even through the pain of her death to live my life and pursue my dreams.