Moving forward can sometimes be strenuous, when you don’t know where you are going, what is happening in your life, and what you are going to do from this point onwards. Moving forward can be scary as hell. I’m about to be finished with my BA in Business and it scares the crap out of me; What am I going to do once school is done? It has been such a huge part of my life for so many years now, it almost feels like we belong together.
It’s also scary to be writing a blog post again, since the last one I wrote came from a place of mental instability. But I have come a long way in healing, I am taking a new medication which is helping me to stay balanced. I felt so ashamed, for so long, after posting my crazy thoughts publicly, I felt that I must have scared everyone away, but after a while I noticed that people in my life were understanding, and when I asked for space to heal I got it. I really needed time to myself after spending 12 days in the hospital.
I also really needed to go on the trip I had been planning for 6 months. So at the end of September I went to Seattle Washington, and visited with my friend Holli and her family. On the day of my birth, we went to Vashon Island and I found the mysterious bike in a tree. It was raining like crazy, off and on, all day, but I had so much fun! I think going to Seattle was really healing for me, it was the first real steps I took to move past what had happened to me.
My next big step in healing, was to find myself a roommate, someone responsible, friendly, fun to be around, I had even made a whole list of the perfect roommate. I spent time then emptying out my art room, and mourning the loss of it. But thankfully I was able to find a storage place nearby and so my stuff is close if I need and want to use it.
It took me a few months to find a roommate. At first there was a girl who applied to be my roommate, but she decided she didn’t want to live with me after all, and that was a real low blow. But after I did find my current roommie, I think I am so much happier now than I would have been with her.
So far, things are going really great between my roommate and myself. We really get along well, and my mood has been improving since living with someone. When I first moved here to Cincy, I wanted to live alone, and it was healing. But the closer and closer I got to finishing school the more and more I realized that I was lonely and wanted company. Then I realized I needed it financially too. That part really stressed me out, I think it was one of the factors for my mental break and hospitalization.
But now I am moving past the past loneliness, and boredom of living alone, and I am moving into having more fun times! We play video games together, he is teaching me poi and I am really enjoying myself. I even crocheted myself some sock poi, and have been using them to practice on my own. I had been previously looking for some kind of exercise that I could do that wouldn’t put a strain on my back. Then Poi entered my sphere, and it is so much fun to do, and it works muscles I didn’t remember that I had, lol! Its also fairly easy going for my back. I am gaining skills in this performance art, and it stays on my mind and in my dreams a lot.
Also I started a Tumblr blog, called emilyrosephotos.tumblr.com where I have been posting a photo everyday (I started January 1st, 2014). I have decided to start posting my photography from my very early days. So far everything has been from when I was using film. Sometimes I miss those days, but its so hard to even find a place that will develop film anymore. So I am looking forward to continuing to share my photography on Tumblr.
I Have also been working on creating a portfolio of the same photography on RedBubble as a companion site where my photography is for sale as prints, and many as iPhone and iPad cases too.
I look forward now, instead of being so ashamed of the past, I’m happier, my mood is more balanced, and i am more financially sound now that I have a roommate. I spend lots of time now being thankful for where my life is now.